{open on Nolan, sitting in his lounge smoking a pipe}
NOLAN: I don’t smoke a pipe!
{you do now}
NOLAN: What about my health?
{what about it? You killed my dog}
NOLAN: Tch, are we really going to dredge that up again?
{absolutely}
{enter Lemuel}
LEMUEL: Awight.
NOLAN: Uh, hi Lemuel.
{Lemuel tramples around in a circle on the rug then settles down}
NOLAN: So, you’re really going to hold a grudge, even though you can quite clearly see that Lemuel is absolutely fine?
LEMUEL: {looks up sleepily} Eh?
{yes, absolutely}
NOLAN: Fine. Be like that.
{I certainly shall}
NOLAN: See if I care.
{I certainly will}
{enter Balvin}
BALVIN: Why is Blaxploitation Man standing in the corner not saying anything?
NOLAN: Eh? I didn’t even know he was here!
BALVIN: Yeah, he’s just staring into space. I’m surprised Tarquin didn’t mention it.
NOLAN: Tch, Tarquin is holding a grudge – I think he didn’t mention it on purpose.
BALVIN: Porpoise?
NOLAN: No, no, purpose.
BALVIN: I see {strokes chin thoughtfully}
{pause}
NOLAN: Ummm, say, Balvin?
BALVIN: Yeah?
NOLAN: Why is Blaxploitation Man called Blaxploitation Man?
BALVIN: Why don’t you ask him?
NOLAN: I still don’t know that he’s here – Tarquin hasn’t said he’s here.
BALVIN: Uh, okay, I’ll ask him then. {to Blaxploitation Man} So, why are you called Blaxploitation Man?
BLAX: Well…
{sudden cut to impressive graphic and triumphal music – “The Origin Of Blaxploitation Man!!”}
{“Starring – Blaxploitation Man”}
{“- His Mother”}
{“- and introducing His Father”}
{open on a lounge – Father is sitting in an armchair reading a paper, Mother is leaning over a baby’s cot, cooing}
BABY: Gurgle.
MOTHER: Awww, isn’t that sweet?
FATHER: {putting down paper} What kind of a baby actually says ‘gurgle’?
MOTHER: Awwww, he’s so cute.
FATHER: Sigh.
{what kind of a man actually says ‘Sigh’?}
MOTHER: Awwww, he’s so sweet, my little Shaft.
FATHER: Shaft…? What the hell?
MOTHER: Yes, my little darling Shaft.
FATHER: You can’t call a baby Shaft!
MOTHER: Awww, but he’s got the seventies look about him.
FATHER: My son is not going to be called Shaft!
MOTHER: Well, can’t it be his middle name then?
FATHER: Middle….? What the hell? No, no, no, and four times no. I’ve told you woman, his name is Dirigible St. John.
MOTHER: Dirigible Singen?
FATHER: Living end! I said St. John, not Singen.
MOTHER: Look, can’t we compromise?
FATHER: We compromised a week last Thursday, with that whole pudding decision thing.
MOTHER: Well, his name is rather an important decision.
FATHER: Sigh. Very well. We’ll call him Blaxploitation Man then.
MOTHER: That’s much better!
{cut to Nolan’s lounge}
BLAX: So, that’s why.
BALVIN: Why what?
BLAX: I’m going home. {exits}
BALVIN: Yeesh {sitting down}, what’s wrong with Dirigible Singen?
NOLAN: Who?
{fin}
