Welcome to the unfortunate world of Nolan Glassfinder. Nolan introduces his new concept, Balvin has a pint.

{Open on Nolan and Balvin sitting in Nolan’s lounge}

Nolan:                        Well?

Balvin:                        Well what?

Nolan:                        What do you think?

Balvin:                        Of what?

Nolan:                        My new comedy script.

Balvin:                        What new comedy script?

Nolan:                        Tch, this new comedy script – it’s a new concept in comedy script, we’re living it right now.

Balvin:                        {looks around, puzzled} We’re… living it?

Nolan:                        Yep, whatever we say, it’s being, kind of recorded.

{Balvin punches Nolan squaw in the nuts}

Nolan:                        What was that for?!

Balvin:                        What was what for? I didn’t do anything.

Nolan:                        You punched me squaw in the nuts!

{He didn’t, actually, I made it up}

Balvin:                        Who’s that?!

Nolan:                        Oh, that’s Tarquin.

Balvin:                        {Reels back in horror} Tarquin?

Nolan:                        Tarquin.

{Looks around the lounge, trying to find the third person in the room}

Balvin:                        But, where is he?

Nolan:                        He’s the narrator, he’s not actually here.

{Yes I am}

Balvin:                        But, why is he Tarquin?

{Why not?}

Balvin:                        Touche.

Nolan:                        So, anyway, what do you think of my new comedy script?

Balvin:                        Hmm, I’ve read better.

Nolan:                        Tch.

{Nolan and Balvin sit in an uncomfortable silence for the next eight hours}

Nolan:                        The end.

Balvin:                        I think you might need a few more characters to liven things up a little.

Nolan:                        Such as?

Balvin:                        Well, you don’t want a bunch of freaks, but how about Snodulous Terrorwhore, Frank The Elephant, Blaxploitation Man?

Nolan:                        Meh, I’ll think about it.